Pregnancy

I honestly couldn’t believe the moment I sat in my bedroom staring at a plastic stick waiting for a result that could potentially change my life.

I knew something wasn’t right, I’d been feeling very lethargic and my chest was extremely tender. So I emailed Liam from my work computer, “liam I need you to get me a pregnancy test”. I’d been off my pill approximately 6 weeks so thought maybe the symptoms I was feeling was due to my hormone levels needing to balance back out after being on it for so long.

Liam went straight to Morrison’s after work, he didn’t even question the fact I’d ask, it was almost like I was asking him to pop to the shop for a loaf of bread.

He came home like any normal day, gave me the test and I went upstairs. The mixture of emotions I felt in that 5 minutes which felt like a lifetime was overwhelming, and there it was, two lines. I shouted Liam, he ran up the stairs and I gave him the test, he honestly looked like I’d just told him he wasn’t getting any tea for a week… we’d planned for my dad to come around but I needed more proof so asked Liam to pop to Tesco for a Clear Blue, I also asked him to get something else whilst he was there so if my dad was at ours when he arrived him he didn’t get suspicious.

In true Paul Glynn style (that’s my dad by the way) he turnt up highly intoxicated after being at the pub. I couldn’t even concentrate so I text my friend Jade..

Liam came back with a Tesco bag greeted my dad and said “babe I’ve got the butter you wanted!” And slipped the second test into my hand. BUTTER?!? I didn’t know what was worst, my drunk dad, the fact I couldn’t celebrate finding out I was carrying a human or the fact I’d just done the shopping so now we had two tubs of butter to get through..

Long story short I took the second test which came back ‘2 weeks’ my body felt like I’d just been on the biggest rollercoaster ever I was shaking with adrenaline trying not to give the game away to my dad whilst I sipped in my J2O.

Once dad had left myself and Liam sat in silence for what felt like hours (it was more than likely 2 minutes). We agreed the following day we’d go to Liam’s parents and tell them.

Emotions were running high the next day, we booked and appointment to register with the midwife that afternoon, I was excited and terrified at the same time. Liam could see how I was feeling now that man knows the way to my heart so told me “get ready were going to Pizza Hut” hallelujah! We walked in we were seated and ordered as the pizza came over I picked up the salt and started to screw the top, liam looked at me and said

“Babe please be careful with how much salt your having now you always have way to much lately”

That was it, I burst into tears like somebody had just told me I was never going to be able to eat cake again. This is when I finally realised I hadn’t been angry at liam for the last two weeks because I disliked him and my chest wasn’t painful because I needed new bras… I was ‘HORMONAL’!

We sat in Liam’s parents kitchen full or nerves and excitement, I can still hear the tabbing on the back of the chair as I could see Liam preparing to tell his mum and dad, obviously he stuttered slightly but finally it just fell out “saffron’s having a baby”. Everyone was ecstatic, but I still didn’t believe it.

In the first twelve weeks I took a text every single week, I became anxious over everything. I felt like I wasn’t carrying this baby for me and Liam anymore but also for everybody else, my god the pressure was over whelming. The worst part was I couldn’t do anything better to look after this tiny human inside me.

Our twelve week scan was incredible, I remember looking at liam, grabbing his hand and squeezing it so tight (I knew he’d need that little bit of reassurance as deep down he’s a big softie). All measurements were taken and it was confirmed we were 12+2days. Perfect! My due date was 05/02/2018 my dads birthday! After this scan we announced our news to the world (we’d already told my parents & immediate family).

Now at this point we’d been to our scan, had the ok from the midwife several times, and informed everyone yet I still felt like everybody else was celebrating except except me. Not because I was doubting anything but because I was never given five minutes to take in what was actually going on without somebody mentioning ‘what the future will hold’ or celebrating for me I would just smile along trying to stay in my own world. I never sat back and thought “this time next year I’ll be a mother”. I didn’t want to look to far into the future because I was so scared something was going to go wrong, I’d let everybody down and I wouldn’t have my happy ever after.

16 weeks arrived and we had our gender scan booked, I didn’t really need it as I already had a gut feeling. I’d been told i needed to eat before the scan so I scoffed some garlic potatoes, which gave me wicked heart burn and repeated on me all day (I’ve actually not eaten them since)! We were called in and the scan started. I didn’t have a preference to the sex of the baby, I just lay as still as a statue waiting for the sound of the heart beat.

The relief inside my body when I heard it was incredible. The scan continued, whilst looking at the screen I didn’t even need the lady to tell me what we were expecting, what look liked a giant penis appeared on the screen (Seth will love that I’ve spoken about his willy so publicly when he gets older)..

I was so happy, deep down a boy would have been my preferred option but I never told anyone. We went into Norwich to start shopping which was a reality shock, I actually had no idea what I was doing, what I needed, essentials, bottles, nappies, vests, the list was endless. We came out of that “shopping trip” with a woolly jumper… size 4-6months (obviously Seth still hasn’t worn this due to the heatwave).

My parents were excited, my mother was convinced I was having a girl and my father was already looking into Leeds kits and nerf guns.

Throughout pregnancy the bigger and bigger I got the less I believed I was pregnant, the kicks in the ribs didn’t even make it believable, although I loved feeling them every day. I think half of the problem was I’d dreamt for a long time to settle down and have a family that I didn’t want to jinx it by getting over excited.

Time flew by, it was the hardest 9months of my life so far, not because of the pregnancy, my pregnancy was great, no sickness, no feeling poorly and no cravings but I just couldn’t enjoy it due to my anxiety. Liam struggled as he believed his life would be ‘over’ once the baby arrived although ecstatic to start a ‘new’ life the comments made my father’s he knew (“oooh it all changes now mate”) really didn’t help.

There were nights I’d sit at home waiting for him to come home knowing he’d have had way to much to drink just to live his “wild” side for a little bit longer. I knew sooner or later he’d wake up and realise the changes we were making, and it was for the better.

We had almost finished buying everything, we decided we wanted to get the nursery decorated before Christmas (with the help of Liam’s dad) we decided on baby blue and grey with murals of hot air balloons (which my dad would hand paint), my dad had brought us a beautiful ash grey nursery furniture set and we couldn’t wait to put it up. I made the bacon sandwiches and the men started to paint, we were over the moon with the outcome. A couple of days later the furniture went up, clothes in the wardrobe and cot made. It wasn’t until I stepped into this room I felt an over whelming warming sensation. I’m going to be a mum.

Christmas flew by and we got to 37 weeks, I was finally able to relax. Our tiny baby was classed as full term. I never stopped throughout pregnancy, I biked to work an back every day until I was nearly 30 weeks pregnant, I didn’t have one day off sick from work and due to me not driving I still walked an easy ten miles a week (despite being told to slow down). We met with my midwife at 38weeks who booked me in for a sweep on my due date. I was always convinced I’d go over 40weeks as the weather was cold and if I was tiny Rodwell I would have rather stay in the warm!

My due date came and off I walked into town, slightly worried as I had to cross the bus lane so I knew if I went into labour I was basically stuck as no body could get through the barriers. The photo below is a picture I took whilst walking into town..

As you can imagine I was extremely relieved when I reached the other end. I met Liam and we walked to the drs. I was offered a ‘massage’ from my midwife who confirmed it was a ‘new’ way to bring on labour but I’d have to attend the hospital, it was cold, icy and windy and the last thing I wanted to do was walk to the hospital, so agreed on the sweep. After leaving the drs I wish I’d had gone to the hospital as it was the worst experience in my life and I agreed with Liam if we were to ever have another child I’d never have another one of them. We got home and I started bouncing on my birthing ball (I actually bounced that much the muscles in my legs felt like I’d climbed a mountain)! I ate a whole pineapple every day for the next six days until I couldn’t eat no more as I had no skin left in my mouth due to the acid from the fruit, I was actually with my aunt pat when I brought the pineapple and explained to her it’s an old wives tale to bring on labour… She looked at the extremely large spikey top and said “what the hell are you going to do with that?!?” Haha!! I tried running up the stairs, walking, running and many more ‘bring on labour’ wives tales (I’ll leave that to your imagination…)…

Six days later my whole world changed.

Next post- Labour story.

Thanks for reading,

Saffron x